Jumper

So, maybe I should have something clever to say during this like: "Jumper is like a teleportation to another world that gives us something to dream about." or "The teleporting aspect of this movie made me Jump to see it, ha ha ha!"

That may have not been a very good attempt at becoming a real critic but I have been thinking critically toward this movie, and here is my truth about this movie wrapped up in a critics stupid comment: "While I was watching this movie I wanted to Jump to the ending or even to an Amish community where they don't allow electronics, only to save myself from the embarrassment of actually admitting to watching this wretched, horrific atrocity." I threw a little bit o' Simon Cowell in there for you Idol fanatics.

The visual effects were very good, the interesting take on during a teleportation space time continuum is interrupted. I really liked the thought that went behind the concept of what it may be like to teleport. Hayden Christiansen is almost completely typecast, all I could think about was: "This guy was Darth Vader for cryin out loud, he couldn't really be this much of a pansy?!" It was fun to live out a fantasy of being able to teleport through this movie and everything he did I probably would have done if I could travel through time and space.

There were some aspects of the storyline I wanted to see more of. I won't ruin the movie if i tell you this so you can keep reading. They only mention the ability to travel through time but never show a snipit of it. I would have liked to see at least one scene of travel through time, is that all to ask? Anywho, I was excited to see this but was let down at the end.

21

"I've already seen the movie in the previews." Have you ever heard someone say that? This is one of the most classic cases. So, the wife and I were lying in our hotel room in Greeley, Colorado and I thought, "Lets buy one of those preview movies! It's cheaper than two movie tickets!" We both wanted to see 21 so, that is what we ordered. The quality was not exactly smooth since the TV we watched it on was brand new... in 1991! I wasn't thrilled that this was the medium I was going to view this movie on but figured: "That shouldn't affect the quality of the movie?" I was right! The movie sucked all by itself, it just kept going on and on and on.

With each new position on the bed I was forced to look at the clock and see just how long this atrocity had gone on. The premise is a numbers genius attending MIT has been accepted to Harvard Medical and has the right stuff to make it! Unfortunately, and this is the world you and I live in, if you haven't already figured it out, but money becomes a problem, no duh!

I kept having flashbacks to Oceans 11 each time they were in a casino and the concept was interesting but they completely screwed up the storyline. That's all it was, just another way of trying to sell the same ol' glass, may look all flashy and fancy on the outside but inside still only holds 12oz.

The plot was never really solidified in my mind, as a viewer. The story actually takes a little while to get going, and I am not talking about the plot, that seems evident in the first little bit but the actual physicality of the plot taking place seems drag-ous!

This would be a renter for me if I had had someone as intelligent and noteworthy, as myself, prescreening this kind of filth for me, but I don't so now you receive the benefit of having someone as intelligent and noteworthy, as myself. It should be a renter for you too if you care at all what I say, and you should because after all "I am your father!"

Don't waste your time and if you do make sure that the hammer you use to pound nails into your thick skull is that of a tack hammer so it will take longer and maybe sometimes you'll miss and hit your face! Otherwise, thanks for reading!

Rambo

You have to be very careful if you are going to remake a classic movie or if you are going to continue the story of a classic. There are some exceptions to this rule: Terminator, Punisher, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, etc. This is mainly due to the fact that remaking a great movie must live up to the expectations that are already inherently ironclad within the original or originals. Dangerous water has been tread with the making of this movie.

To tell you the truth I was a little excited to see it since the friendly Blockbuster employee talked my ear off for nearly seven minutes about how he thought it was going to suck and it turns out he loved it... blah blah blah! Oh yeah seven minutes may not seem that long but just take a couple minutes and time it yourself, just sitting there doing nothing...

1..................................................................2....................................
...............3........................................................................4.....................!

Alright already I'll stop and that was only four minutes think how bad it would be for almost three more minutes? How do you like them apples?!

Anyway, some o the graphics were good and it had a very interesting plot. I was shocked to see that Sly had written and directed this film. The blood/gore and death scenes rival that of Braveheart or Glory without those movies being so bad. But, a 50 Caliber will do that to people. Most of what i kept thinking was that Sly never takes off his shirt like in the classic Rambo films, they stuff him underneath to make it seem that he is still that size but we all know the truth.

It will accompany the previous three but never be as good. I will say it is right in line with Rambo 3 which wasn't very good either.

Untraceable

Each and every time I had gone into my neighborhood, friendly Blockbuster, this movie had been all rented out. I was leery, since there were only six spaces reserved for it on the shelf and I have not had very much luck with movies with only a few copies in the past. I will never forget the Lost In Translation incident. So, I took a chance with Untraceable and let me tell you it was completely worth the pain and agony I caused myself.

This movie has a great concept, and the acting keeps you believing in the storyline. The deaths are gruesome and can be related to the Saw movies but under a completely different genre rating. I believe Diane Lane is one of Hollywood’s hidden, always good performance actresses. She brings to the “silver-screen” a tension, and anticipation build that makes the story and overall story very exciting. Even the co-stars took charge of what they wanted the movie to be and that is exactly what I wanted the movie to be. This movie was definitely worth the rental fee I shelled out.

I want to review more than just the movies in the theater since, if your like us, don’t always have the unbelievable amount of money it takes to actually go to the theaters, and you just want to “veg out”, cuddle on the couch and microwave popcorn (butter lovers, yeah baby!).

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

I know that my many avid readers have been waiting with baited breath for this review of Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. So, without any hesitation here we go:

The reason I have been reluctant to put this review on is I really wanted this to be a great movie, one for the record books and it seems it just wasn’t in the cards! I do not even really want to say all that much simply because I don’t want to give anything away.

Indiana Jones a.k.a. “Jr.” is back doing what he does best, outwitting the Nazis because well, the Nazis are stupid! I was really excited to see that they had brought back Karen Allen from Raiders of the Lost Ark. It seemed that everyone was present and accounted for, with some new faces, in this all-star cast, as they say. Most of the action is great with a few minor exceptions of stunts that when you see them you are thinking: “What?”, with a disbelieving look on your face but then you think, “It’s Indiana Jones, he can do anything!” and then you’re like “OK, dude!”

It really actually sucks that I can only review and talk about my frustrations of this movie with people that have seen it! This is what I am going to do: I am just going to let you go see it, because I know you will probably go to see it no matter what I say and I don’t blame you, it was a good movie just not a great movie that continues in the style of greatness of the previous three films.

Perhaps that’s what it was, I went with too much expectation? That has to be the reason, I have felt it before with Spider-man 3, Major League 2, Batman 3 & 4, and the list goes on! What Hollywood does is build up anticipation for a movie like the Fourth installment in the Indiana Jones series. They build movies up so much that your expectations are so high it has to be, absolutely has to be, the GREATEST movie for our thirst to be quenched! Yet only once in a while, I would say 3 – 5 movies per year do I actually feel physically full after watching a movie.

The choice is up to you, as it always has been; I only offer my insight.

Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian

Here we are again with the Chronicles of Narnia. This is the second book from C.S. Lewis within the entire series of The Chronicles of Narnia. Only some brief history is given in the movie of what has occurred at Narnia since the children left. Narnia is now ruled by the Telmarines and the Narnians have gone into hiding, believed to be extinct. Prince Caspian is the next in line for king of Narnia and is believed to give Narnia back to the Narnians. However, when his aunt gives birth to a son his uncle plots to kill him and take his throne. Caspian’s professor helps him escape in the middle of the night and gives him Queen Susan’s horn. During an event-filled chase scene, Caspian runs into some Narnians and before he can think he blows the horn.

Thus Enters Peter, Susan, Edmond and Lucy, the kings and queens of old. That is all you’re going to get from me, I do not take too kindly to people ruining movies for me or telling me: “Dude, this one part…” I have read all the Narnia books and was thoroughly entertained by both the books and the movies. I do, however, like the first Narnia movie better. Prince Caspian was a good movie, the cinematography was good, acting was good and it was even humorous at times. There was just something in me or the movie that didn’t build as much anticipation or growing interest.

When the wife and I purchased our tickets, the young gentleman asked if we had read the books and we replied that we had and then he began to give us the run-down of what he thought of the movie in comparison to the books. “It strays a lot from the book, but I enjoyed it.” That is all I am asking for: Enjoyment! I do not want to watch a movie then break out the book and begin underlining or highlighting the differences because where would that get me? Nowhere! What now? Send an angry letter to the MPAA and let them know that I am highly disappointed with how they handled the screenwriting? What kind of no-life, insecure, closed-minded, unimaginative prat do you think I am, the old Siskel and Ebert? (no offense!)

I say it was worth my $7 (military discount, yeah!) to sit there for a couple hours and forget about the laundry list of things I gotta do when I get home. I was entertained and will offer this information to think about: If I was watching this movie, and it was good, don’t get me wrong, but if I needed to go to the restroom and dispose of my overpriced movie beverage, I would, my wife wouldn’t.

“Sift through that and find a nugget… sift away Sifty!”

The Golden Compass

There are several times in the lives of those fortunate few where a movie comes along and completely drains life itself! The Golden Compass is one of those movies. I was rather excited to see this flick with a good cast, adventure, science fiction-esque concept and finally one of the greatest elements that can guarantee the success of a movie… talking animals?!

There has been a large amount of arguing over the religious content of this movie, so, while this is not a religious blog but simply as an excuse to write what I think about movies I have seen. I will, however, offer the feeling from myself of confusion? As I started watching this movie I was thinking about what I heard regarding this authors stance on religion and I was thoroughly confused until 1 hr and 40 minutes and 37 seconds. I remember looking at the DVD player, noting the time mark and thinking: “OOOOOOH!!!!”. This does not bode well when the entire movie is 1 hr 43 minutes!

There is an ethereal item that they are searching for and the Magisterium is trying to stop them and deny the existence of “Dust”. If my assumption is correct the Magisterium is the bad guys and those searching for the “dust” are the good guys. It seems to me that the roles are reversed? And Until that illuminus 1hr 40min 37sec I was just confused!

There may be some or even most of you that feel I am wrong since I have not read the books and I am not loosing my identity in the characters, world and vernacular since my life is not worth living so I must find a way to escape myself? (big breath!!) The entire reason to watch a movie is so we do not have to read the book, am I right? There are some times where I sit and read the book of the movie I have seen or read the book first. I go to movies to be entertained, explosions, great concepts, deaths in extraordinary ways and to L.O.L.!

Suckfest!

"What I thought" Meter: